Relationships require effort, stability, & communication. I am not discouraging you from dating or marriage.
Being single gives you time to organize your life, make plans, & most importantly, get your shit together. Most go into relationships with the hope of their significant other “fixing” or “healing” them. I hate hearing people say they want their partner to be their peace all while never being peaceful towards them in return. Sickening. If you are one of those people who feel their partner should clean up the mess you bring into the relationship, here’s a hard truth: Your partner is not your therapist.
To expect such a thing when everyone already has their own problems to sort through is setting yourself up for unnecessary disappointment and a possibly toxic relationship. You can help each other through dilemmas, support each other through difficult situations but know there is a time when mental health professionals have to step in. Life is difficult for most. There is no point to put a burden on your loved ones to fix your problems. You are welcome to vent, ask for advice, etc. You’ve got options. Utilize them.
Another reason people get into relationships is for validation. The truth is that validation from others is usually temporary. Anyone can change how they feel about you in a matter of years, days, minutes etc. How you let that impact your life & mindset is up to you, but that’s when self-validation has to come into play.
Self-validation is solid & genuine once fully embraced. Validation from others becomes water off a duck’s back, & the only thing that will & should matter is constructive criticism. If it isn’t honest & calls you out to make improvements in your behavior or your work, it is not your problem.
Validate yourself. Be the person that you find ideal, heal yourself mentally, fit some exercise in your schedule, & work on you. There’s a reason why when you are at your best, enjoying the single life, suddenly, multiple people express interest in you. Sometimes, when you finally are okay with being alone, someone comes in to challenge your newfound peace.
This is because most people prefer to be with someone who has their shit together already. Not too many people want someone who is unorganized, unmotivated & have no plan in life. So, pick yourself up, not just for someone to come around but for you. Easier said than done, I know. The most rewarding things in require you to put in effort.
It’s an accomplishment to reach the point where you have a stable mental foundation & understand that you can get in a relationship only if you want to. It’s no longer a need. In fact, it never was a need.
Leave a Reply