The moment you notice someone is violating your boundaries, whether it is physical, mentally, emotionally, etc., take action. Handle it to the best of your ability. Call them out on their shit, have a discussion about it. If it is workplace related, try to escalate the situation to HR or supervisors. I know it is difficult but do not let them continue to display behavior you are uncomfortable with.
To set healthy boundaries, you must:
- address their predatory behavior
- question them on their behavior especially if it is done in public
- make it clear that they did something that caused you discomfort
- try to stay as calm as possible when discussing this issue; do not let them upset you or guilt trip you
- set your boundaries stating what you are okay with as well as what you are not comfortable with
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If you raise awareness to the issue but they continue to violate your boundaries, be done with that person. They aren’t worth your time or patience. They know what they are doing & people who take the time to continuously push the boundaries of others around them, are usually predatory; they want to see reactions from you; want you conditioned you to their unusual tendencies. All they want to do is control you. They want you to think that it is normal for them to say uncomfortable things not only often but sometimes they will try to do this in front of the general public.
Some dead giveaways of boundary violating behavior are when:
- they repeat the inappropriate phrase multiple times
- speak louder than usual even in quiet areas
- will look at the reactions of others around you both, hoping for some attention while violating your boundaries
- touch you in inappropriate areas, even after you have asked them to stop
- create excuses for their predatory behavior/ downplay the fact that their behavior violates boundaries
- laugh at or make light of your discomfort
- play the victim when they are called out
For your sanity, peace of mind & dignity, stand up for yourself; do not tolerate such bullshit, predatory behavior. Also, be aware that there are times where we need to just walk away from some people. Know that there genuinely are people not even worth wasting your breath on. You’ll recognize it. Life’s too short to spend time with someone who enjoys seeing you be uncomfortable & miserable.
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